Depression is only as real as apathy, toxicity in relations, social-distancing and forced isolations, inability and often unwillingness to stay with those in pain... this is not a post speculating reasons of a suicide that took place 2 days back #Sushant Singh Rajput, a very Talented actor, gone too soon ....
May his soul rest in peace ...
We don't know the reasons yet!!
Amazed at everyone's newly discovered concern for mental health... a concern we don't think about when we tell those struggling -'just loosen up', 'don't take stress', 'listen to music', 'oh feeling low?, just cheer up, talk to you when you are better'... when we make them feel guilty for their lows and far from reassuring them our support, make them feel anxious about our own support to them and fill them with self doubt!
We don't call out emotional abuse, we don't prioritise empathy enough and this 'new normal', which is neither new nor normal will only make it worse by intensifying alienation and creating anxiety around social solidarities !!
Before we all start suggesting en masse that people seek help from therapists (which when needed, they definitely should,because I am a professional counselor myself ...)
But, please pause a moment and think if we have created a safe enough space for people to be able to share that they have depression (share while they still have it and not after they have fought it and lived to tell the story in retrospect)...
A safe space means, where they can know that sharing will not come at the cost of being distanced, avoided, manipulated, abused (for many, their justified anger /pain at the acts of another can easily get termed 'exaggerated response' due to mood disorders, thus making them increasingly vulnerable to emotional abuse and gaslighting, like we throw PMS at women!), guilt tripped (how can you be depressed when we have done all for you!!) or as also often happens, it is the depressed who is forced to become your rescuer because your distress of not being able to understand is made to become greater than their own distress!!
There is no substitute to professional help (therapy, medication, self care), but there is also no substitute for understanding, empathy and mutual care and respect in relationships and interactions...
If the couch remains the only 'safe space', it loses its potency to facilitate healing...
May his soul rest in peace ...
We don't know the reasons yet!!
Amazed at everyone's newly discovered concern for mental health... a concern we don't think about when we tell those struggling -'just loosen up', 'don't take stress', 'listen to music', 'oh feeling low?, just cheer up, talk to you when you are better'... when we make them feel guilty for their lows and far from reassuring them our support, make them feel anxious about our own support to them and fill them with self doubt!
We don't call out emotional abuse, we don't prioritise empathy enough and this 'new normal', which is neither new nor normal will only make it worse by intensifying alienation and creating anxiety around social solidarities !!
Before we all start suggesting en masse that people seek help from therapists (which when needed, they definitely should,because I am a professional counselor myself ...)
But, please pause a moment and think if we have created a safe enough space for people to be able to share that they have depression (share while they still have it and not after they have fought it and lived to tell the story in retrospect)...
A safe space means, where they can know that sharing will not come at the cost of being distanced, avoided, manipulated, abused (for many, their justified anger /pain at the acts of another can easily get termed 'exaggerated response' due to mood disorders, thus making them increasingly vulnerable to emotional abuse and gaslighting, like we throw PMS at women!), guilt tripped (how can you be depressed when we have done all for you!!) or as also often happens, it is the depressed who is forced to become your rescuer because your distress of not being able to understand is made to become greater than their own distress!!
There is no substitute to professional help (therapy, medication, self care), but there is also no substitute for understanding, empathy and mutual care and respect in relationships and interactions...
If the couch remains the only 'safe space', it loses its potency to facilitate healing...
-Lakshmi Gopalkrishnan,
Eminent Psycho-Analyst & Educational Consultant
Global Award Winner for Counselling Psychology, Year 2019
Member of Indo Psycho Analytical Society
Life Member of Alliance Clubs International
President of Sanskaar Club 101 District
You have written " increasingly vulnerable to emotional abuse " . Very well said. Written very well Lakshmi. It is high time we realized that women, specially those who have always put up with all kinds of abuse raise their voices and protest. Somewhere we should draw the line and put a stop to being continuously degraded and direspected. For that they need support , specially emotional support. People like you will provide it , I am certain.
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